“The reason we don’t talk the taboo is because we fear that we will be shamed for it,” Madhullikaa Singh, Sydney Scholars India Scholarship Recipient

Bachelor of Arts and Advanced Studies student, Madhullikaa Singh’s big idea is to challenge people into discussing things that are considered taboo in India. Mumbai born, Madhullikaa has been using stories and images of young adults to discuss these topics through her Instagram blog, ‘Talk the taboo’.

“To talk the taboo, for me, means to be vulnerable and vulnerability ought to be met with empathy rather than shame.

My blog titled ‘talkthetaboo’ (https://www.instagram.com/talkthetaboo/   ) is a space through which I reach out to teenagers facing challenges, that are not talked about due to prejudices, helping them overcome their challenges through a sense of solidarity, inspiration and awareness,” the Sydney Scholars India Scholarship recipient informed in an interview with Indus Age. Read on as the young scholar provides comprehensive and insightful answers on important subjects.

Interviewed by Nidhi Kumari

Congratulations on receiving, the Sydney Scholars India Scholarship, you have made the Indo-Aussie community proud. Tell us what your first reaction was when you were informed about this feat?

Thank you so much! That means a lot to me.

It was 7:30pm on the 14^th of June. I am not big on remembering dates, so this was evidently a landmark event. I had been waiting anxiously for the scholarship results because my decision to study at the University of Sydney depended on them, financially speaking. I remember checking my phone for the emails of the day after celebrating my grandmother’s birthday, at my grandparents’ place in Delhi. Before I opened the email, I prepared myself for setback so as to prevent any disappointment. When I read the words, ‘the University is pleased to offer you’, I shrieked. My grandparents thought I saw a cockroach and carried on with their activities. I shrieked a couple of more times in utter joy, jumped on the bed, got back down, messaged my parents and close friends. After a few deep breaths of gratitude to ground my ecstatic state of mind, I stepped out of the room to give my relatives the good news, attempting to look poised while still shrieking inside.

Madhullikaa, your big idea is to challenge people into discussing things that are considered taboo in India, with topics like menstruation, LGBTI rights, mental health, sexual assault and harassment. Tell us how you were inclined towards these matters and how your Instagram blog, Talk the taboo was born?

Growing up in a dysfunctional household as a single-child, I often took on the role of an adult to resolve conflicts between my parents. I developed my empathy and resilience that I like to use to connect with people from diverse cultures, encourage inter-cultural solidarity and form life-long, meaningful bonds through vulnerability. As an Indian I can think of far too many taboos prevalent in my country. The socio-economic extremes in India come with their respective taboos, wherein the more privileged classes tend to have fewer absurd ones as a result of education and exposure. One taboo that stands out in the upper echelons of Indian society is that of divorce. The stigma about divorce is so strong that many couples would rather remain in toxic relationships and maintain their “image” than so much as consider separating. Divorcees are often frowned upon and associated with a major failure to the extent that people are often ostracised by their own families. This is further exacerbated by a cultural context where certain superstitions still exist. It is often incredibly hard for divorced individuals to remarry or find partners due to the widespread biases. Being a largely conservative society divorcees are judged by society and experience financial and social alienation. Fundamentalists equate having a freedom to make these decisions with the evil influence of western society. The lack of potential psychological and emotional acceptance discourages divorces among Indians even in dysfunctional relationships. Traditional patriarchal family structures, where women are economically dependent on men amongst other things, and societal pressure perpetuate this taboo.

Speaking from a privileged context, despite the country being secular, multi-cultural and progressive, the attitude towards divorce are still archaic. Taking all of this into account, you can only imagine my extended family’s response when I asked my parents to get a divorce. I was bombarded with the question that fosters a culture of internalized trauma, ‘what will people say?’, ‘log kya kahenge?’. All I knew was that my parents and I would be happy, who cared what people thought? It was experiences like these that made it blatantly obvious to me that the lack of willingness to address taboo subjects was preventing the opening up of mindsets and instilling shame with the idea of talking the taboo. The reason we don’t talk the taboo is because we fear that we will be shamed for it. Shame is a powerful feeling that nobody wants to welcome. But there is a powerful antidote to shame. It is empathy.

To talk the taboo, for me, means to be vulnerable and vulnerability ought to be met with empathy rather than shame.

My blog titled ‘talkthetaboo’ (https://www.instagram.com/talkthetaboo/   ) is a space through which I reach out to teenagers facing challenges, that are not talked about due to prejudices, helping them overcome their challenges through a sense of solidarity, inspiration and awareness. I represent such role-models in an empowering light, without victimizing the person or romanticizing the trauma. The blog has built a community of young adults who listen and understand, with empathy, the trials and tribulations of global-significance faced by their peers with respect to mental-health, LGBTQ-rights, gender-discrimination, adolescent-angst and sexual-assault, amongst other topics. I present a series of conceptual photographs of the teenagers accompanied with my haikus, poetry and thoughts on the topics being explored. I believe it is important to start discomfiting conversations because it is only when we talk the ‘taboo’ that we spark the process of opening our mindsets and building safe-spaces for people dealing with trauma. These people can then make meaningful contributions to societies without the fear of being judged.

The road to talk the taboo is not going to be an easy one as these issues come with an added sense of responsibility, sensitivity, emotions and human psychology. How far do you think you have reached since you started and how do you intend to take this discussion further ahead?

We are more similar than we believe, no matter where you are in the world or what your experiences have been, and I realized that when so many people connected with my blog.

I want to further this initiative in whatever ways possible, and empower people to be able to access their vulnerable, hurt selves without the fear of external judgement. The people I give a platform to, on my blog, may have experienced extreme scenarios and a natural impulse may be to hope that we may never encounter them, but they all contain valuable teachings. It is fascinating to see the number of people that reach out to build each other up and humbling to see them moved by the courage that the individuals on the platform exude.

Unfortunately, this is not always the case because the internet culture fosters anonymous shaming wherein it is easier to insult someone behind a screen as compared to face to face, because no one will hold you accountable. Furthermore, most individuals on social media curate their feeds, putting up solely “happy” content that could fool anyone into believing that their lives are “perfect”. Lastly, I always stress on the correct representation of people who have undergone any trauma wherein they are not portrayed as powerless victims (as they often are in mainstream media); discourages others from being vulnerable while at the same time their trauma is not romanticised. I am a small part of the growing shift that is yet to come that is slowly yet strongly changing a global culture that fosters shame through fear, blame and judgement.

I hope to live in a world where every living-being is respected, empowered and possesses the freedom to make the choices they wish to make by following the ‘live and let live’ policy.

Being a student of media, you know about how knowingly or unknowingly prejudiced and stereotypical characters are created. How do you think people can be sensitized and enlightened about it?

Multidimensional representation of less-privileged groups and historically oppressed groups such as women and people of colour. It is through representation that people organize the world and reality around them. In recent years the global film industry has faced criticism for a lack of female and diverse racial representation on screen. The little representation that racial groups and women do get are abundant with stereotypes that perpetuate vicious patriarchal notions and close-minded white supremacist concepts. Females are often portrayed as passive while males are active adhering to the patriarchal stereotypes that stem from social norms of the glorification of dominant males and submissive females. Racial groups are hyper-generalised and type casted in movies. Additionally, it is not enough to ‘allow’ women and people of colour to merely take up roles originally made for white cis-gender men but rather roles ought to be created for women and people of colour, by women and people of colour. This is important as it empowers people in their creative spaces (writers, directors, cinematographers, actors) by giving them the same opportunities and spaces that white people typically inhabit, without merely whitewashing them to ‘fit in’ to a conventionally standard.

What are the different challenges that you think you need to overcome, to alleviate the stereotypical representations; have people to discuss and talk the ‘forbidden’ so as to create awareness?

I believe that media has the power to shape minds for better or for worse. Stories with three dimensional characters and well-formulated plot-lines have the power of inducing empathy in the minds of movie-goers who readily empathise with the protagonists and open their hearts to new ways of understanding, as a result. I think taboo subjects like homosexuality and menstruation, that are resisted by many Indians, can be tackled with consideration and skill and presented to Indian audiences in ways that expand their mindsets and soften their judgements. In the future, I would like to present open-minded, honest and dynamic characters on-stage and on-screen to Indian and global audiences and do my bit in breaking stereotypes, assumptions and prejudices in the minds of people.

Correct and wholesome representation is important because we subconsciously view movie-protagonists as role-models because of their glorified characteristics and talents, which contribute to expectations and perceptions of gender and racial roles because role models influence our social behaviours, attitudes and interactions.

Therefore, unless the cliched storylines with submissive feminine and powerful masculine characters do no change, the audiences will continue to believe in and look up to outdated misogynistic notions.

I want to make a difference in the world not only with my writing and service but also through acting and give audiences inspiring glimpses of reality and cathartic moments of introspection. The moments of recognition of reality on the ‘unreal’ stage are life-affirming for the actor and audience as they leave us feeling less lonely and more understanding of the world in and around us.

Having studied both in India and Australia, what do you think the two countries can learn from each other on the academic front?

At the risk of generalising, I think the general attitude towards academics is rooted in pressure, unhealthy-competition and stress, in India. A more wholesome atmosphere surrounding education would make a world of a difference for students, teachers and parents. Student mental health should be a priority for any educational institution. Furthermore, the Indian public education curriculum needs a major transformation in terms of the quality of syllabus and inculcating critical thinking in the pupils, before being compared to the Australian system of education.

I am yet to pick out the shortcomings of the academic aspect of University studies in Australia. That being said, there is always scope for improvement and student voices and recommendations must be heard to implement the same at any institution.

Living in a place away from home comes with its own crests and troughs, in fact, life is all about it. What do you think and what is your mantra for keeping calm, irrespective of the situation?

I practice meditation as often as I can. Breathing techniques or simply reciting ‘Om’ a couple of times before an important presentation or going to bed, centres me. Apart from that, I find that singing, painting, dancing, dark chocolate and long hot showers help in overwhelming situations.

Who do you take inspiration from?

The people in my life are my greatest source of inspiration. I have had the privilege of being around some of the most wholesome individuals who exude goodness despite the tragedies of their lives. It is their bravery, integrity and generosity in love that fills me with inspiration and pride. My teachers, parents, closest friends and family are the inspirations I am deeply grateful for.

What is it that you like to do when you are not studying or working?

• I value naps so much more after coming to University.
• The beach is my favourite place to be, especially when I’m in good company.
• Going for spontaneous live music concerts with my friends has recently become a common practice.
• I love to spend time with my cousins. I drop by my aunt’s place in Sydney any time I feel remotely homesick, and enjoy being pampered by her (bonus points for homemade Indian food + guilt-free naps).

Is there anything that you miss back home?

Yes. There’s an elaborate list of things I miss, mostly consisting of food (The small Kachoris from OM Sweets, for instance) and the familiar nooks and corners of my city, Bombay. What I miss the most is the presence of my parents, my best friend and my dog; my mum breaking into a 60s Bollywood track, my dad hyperventilating over a scar on my foot, my best friend dropping by my house unannounced, as if it’s her own and my dog’s distinct scent that instinctively makes me want to cuddle her.

Tell us about your future plans.

That question stresses me out. I hope that whatever I do, it fulfils me.

Your advice to your juniors:

I try not to offer advice, I offer experience and support. From that space I would like to tell them, honouring your human experience is the first step in reclaiming yourself. Express and you will find strength in vulnerability. Your stories are worthwhile. Your voice needs to be heard, not just for your growth but for the people who will feel empowered by your stories. If you can make a difference, always have a go.

If you wish to add anything else, please go ahead:

Thank you very much for this opportunity! I really enjoyed answering each question.