‘An uncle ever present’

BY ELSA LYCIAS JOEL

I married into a large, extended family. Five siblings of my husband were more welcoming than I expected them to be. The youngest of all seemed to be the best and I was right, right from the start. From helping me with cooking and dishes to listening to my philosophy of life, he was ever patient. To my surprise, he introduced me to people as his sister. Just like a big brother Jegan made sure I was happy and comfy in my new surroundings. Any time my husband differed with me to the extent of upsetting me, Jegan supported me vociferously thereby earning rebuffs. Every time both of us went out, he was ‘The Wall’ protecting me even from unintentional nudges in the most crowded places and without anything being said Jegan knew that in his brother’s absence he is being entrusted with my safety.  In no time he became the most adored uncle of my two children Lauren and Barbara. The excitement in their faces as they meet him is obvious that anybody in the family will make out that my children were his favourite nieces.

When my girls started school, Jegan became their weekend tutor giving me and Prem our much awaited relief.  It was more than a world wonder to us when our daughters developed a passion to score centum in mathematics.  It wasn’t Jegan’s rewards or praises but a plain “How much did you score this time?” with a smile and raised eyebrows.  Over the years, I learnt that it’s not just the parents or school but every other relative especially loved ones can contribute a lot to a child’s development, both cognitive and psychological.

There is this tone and tune when he inadvertently exclaims, “You are my niece” that it seems like a one line song. Taking it entirely on him to introduce little girls to never-ending shopping, food and books helps me wonder if my girls are destined to be blessed with an uncle of the rarest kind. He never really cares about the ways and means he over-indulges my children to help their smiles grow bigger though he isn’t a black card owner. Moreover, I have known by seeing and listening that an uncle’s bonding with a niece is stronger than with a nephew.

A while later Jegan’s wife Sylvia joined the gang only to complement him. She didn’t stop with pampering Lauren and Barbara with gifts but made sure they put them to the maximum use, be they books, tooth brushes, shoes, plates, spoons and forks. In fact, Sylvia was another blessing uncle Jegan blessed his nieces with. I understand, playing favorites is an uncle’s only game while his nieces are around and shopping their favorites is nieces’ only known pastime when an adorable uncle is on his toes to enjoy ‘Duchenne’ smiles.

If an uncle loves musical sounds, dolls, flowers, cakes, roses candies and playing with colours, it is because he loves nieces. Without Jegan telling us, I and Prem knew his love for our children is the only motivation behind his frequent visits. For an adoring uncle, being far away from a niece can be the hardest thing ever. A doting uncle can sure surpass loving parents in surprising nieces with nice words too. Whenever my girls try real hard to perfect a dance or practice a perfect piece of music, and before I could give them a word of compliment or a hint, an audible preening from Jegan interrupts, “That’s super”, or “I’m proud of you”. He’d remember the little things and small details, like how Lauren and Barbara addressed him when they were toddlers, what made them laugh out loud, how they reacted when he woke them up from deep slumber, their likes and dislikes, first Christmas tree, Lauren’s pacifiers and why they reacted in a certain way. More than making me grow jealous of how my children bond with their uncle too, ever since they were born, I feel assured that blessed are those who have an uncle who doubles up as a companion competent and loving enough to fit into any role with tremendous backbone. Only with his favourite two nieces, Jegan truly exemplifies generosity that is spoken of in The Bible. Just a look at the photograph of Jegan with his nieces and nephews will reveal who he holds closer.

During family get together or a reunion or Christmas, he is the only uncle who sees his nephews and nieces as kids getting between the old way with its lockstep rules and family-centered traditions and la via nuova, the new way, a supermarket of freedoms and choices.So, as an uncle Jegan is more sensitive than the average bear and spares no effort to help kids involve themselves and make them feel indispensible, whether it’s a game or a family activity. When Jegan is determined to stick to nieces’ plan, he has the capacity to wriggle out of all other commitments. I see it as one of his well-honed survival skills to remain the best, rain or shine.

Being a prudent individual Jegan never interferes when I or Prem discipline kids. Even in our absence Jegan makes sure kids take our words seriously so that they leave plates in the kitchen sink, dirty laundry in the laundry bin, don’t waste food and did not skip classes, academic and extra academic. He’s an uncle ever present to pamper them thus far and no further. Hence, if we believe in order and discipline, children comply.

My girls may not thoroughly and completely idolize their uncle but they definitely crave his time and attention because Jegan is everything a niece can ask for. Life without an uncle is a horror especially if he is effortlessly kind, generous, good-natured and a cooler version of a dad.